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The Most Important Empowering Question For Parents

Every single parent knows that children are copy-cats. In fact, they duplicate so frequently, and so perfectly, that they are in effect "copying machines". They duplicate what you say, how you articulate it, and at what time you say it. They duplicate the style in which you move, how you behave, your mannerisms, how you respond to things, how you act toward other people, and almost anything else you do.

But parents also realize that every now and then, we want to teach them one thing, and they learn something different. As an example, you're attempting to teach your children about gardening and how much fun it is to cultivate things, but they discover how to run away when they see a maggot or a spider, creating a brand new permanent fear (or just a plain old "yuck response").

The problem is, needless to say, that although children learn at a phenomenal pace, they simply don't always learn the thing you intend for them to learn. And it's worse because now and again you don't know (or don't even consider) what you would like your child to learn.

But actively choosing what you require your child to understand is not the most important thing only when you're sitting together with your son or daughter attempting to teach them something. Well, it is essential, but it's obviously at the forefront of your thoughts already, otherwise you wouldn't be trying to teach them something.

No, the crucial time is when you are not attempting to explicitly teach your child something, but they are going to find out something anyway. It's in these situations that you really need to be aware of what your child is learning.

For instance, if you and your partner are in disagreement about something, and either of you curses and storms off rather than managing the argument reasonably and fairly, what will your child learn? Well, the first thing they'll become skilled at is a brand new word, one that you don't care for them saying in public! The next thing they're prone to learn is: "when in an argument, storm off rather than handling it." Or something similar to that, anyway.

The problem of course is that in the middle of that arguement, you might not have been thinking of what your child is learning right then.

So it's important to know that your youngster is going to learn a little something in EACH AND EVERY situation they are in. Deciding up front what you'd like them to understand is something different. And that's the key reason why the most valuable empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?

If you can hold a question like this in your mind as often as possible, and especially where you are intensely emotional or reacting from habit or routine, you'll begin to have an amazing capacity to have more impact on your child than you had been beforehand. You'll be able to show them more of how you mean them to behave, in a style that's more like you when you are on top form, rather than you at your most horrible. You'll be able to congruently say "do what I do AND say", without worrying so much about your words and behaviour being in alignment. You'll be able to tell your child as they grow up why you do the things you do, knowing that they'll previously have had years of noticing you act along with your morals and rules.

But... you will only be a success in doing this if you have a vital frame of mind that parents have to possess, something that makes this empowering question really work. Without help, the question is useful, but it's not the only thing you need to have.