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Giving your child the gift of inner discipline

In culture after culture around the globe, authoritarian methods in governments are fading, replaced by more democratic governments. In this country, the democratic evolution has reached wives and is reaching children. More and more families want to help children to live responsibly in a democratic, not authoritarian or permissive, setting--for the sake of our families and for the sake of living our lives as effective and caring citizens in the broader community.

Democratic parents are still authoritative and set clear limits in matters of safety, health, and morality (for example, requiring your young child to hold your hand while crossing a street or requiring your middle-school student to let you know where he/she is). For other matters, we work out guidelines, choices, and solutions, often together in family meetings. We choose to encourage children and help them learn to solve problems rather than to order or demand, reward or punish them as in the authoritarian model.
Barbara Coloroso, author of Kids Are Worth It!, calls this “giving your child the gift of inner discipline,” or helping our children learn how to think, not what to think.

Some parents have misgivings about authoritarian methods and have chosen permissiveness, which leaves children unclear about what behavior is acceptable (respectful) and what is not, there-by jeopardizing their sense of belonging and contributing. Adlerian parenting offers effective, family-building choices that also engender peaceful communities.

Mutual Respect--a key ingredient

In contrast to either the Authoritarian method of parenting (being the "boss") or the Permissive Method (allowing the child to be the boss), Democratic Parents believe that kind and firm attitudes and actions of mutual respect are teachable and learnable. Success as a Democratic Authoritative Parent depends upon clear goals and perception of the roles of parents and children.

Adlerian parenting courses for parents of young children address everyday challenges such as getting the kids off to school in the morning, homework, chores, fighting, bedtime, and finding time together—without ourselves yelling and fighting or being otherwise disrespectful. Children and youth may still make some poor choices (we are all fallible human beings), but if we parent our children with respectful guidance while they are young, they are less likely to be at risk in their youth.

A Stanford University study shows that youth raised in democratic families do better in school. University of New Brunswick researchers say that how you bring up your children affects their future more than how much money you earn. They recommend providing a warm and caring environment and encouraging independence.

For more information about the Adlerian approach to parenting (and a book list--to get you started), you're invited to visit www.psapAdler.org

Article Compilation by www.HomeworkSuccessArticleDirectory.com

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